Not My Shame

"I was blown away by your life story, your bravery, your courage and your seemingly limitless capacity for compassion for others."

- Marita 

"It is a vivid description of the process of healing... It is a lively, heartfelt, and brave account with much depth and insight. 

This book can benefit many and help survivors process their own experiences, and help outsiders to better understand..."

- Anne

"It's BRILLANT!! Engaging, truthful, heartbreaking, and importantly hopeful!!! "

- Sue

"Tender, poignant, raw, vulnerable, and powerful. 

Such an important contribution to the conversation. "

- Emma

"Astonishing, searingly, honest, and brave."

- Julie

"You are a remarkable woman Martina. A truly good person who through persistence and hard work has overcome much of the horrible legacy of abuse. 

I trust that many traumatised people will be inspired by your words.

- Robbie

Part One explores Martina’s experiences in the cult of Rajneesh. Working hard as a call girl, she saves the eight-thousand dollars she needs to live with her guru on his ashram in America, where she is assigned a tiny room she must share with two strangers. Her guru graces his devotees with his presence at ‘drive-by’ only when he takes one of his eighty-four Rolls Royce for a spin. 

In Part Two, Martina finds the courage to escape the cult. Destitute and lost, she attends weekly therapy sessions and faces her traumatic past. She uncovers the sexual abuse she was subjected to by her grandfather, a high court judge, and by her uncle, a beloved politician. She discovers her inner strength and takes her first steps towards healing. 

In Part Three, Martina is no longer silenced by shame. She gains a PhD and becomes a partner, mother, university lecturer and psychotherapist for women who have experienced interpersonal trauma. Martina’s greatest discovery is that love doesn’t have to be dangerous, that it can be respectful and kind instead.